Seduction by the stars

Just to prove horoscopes are crap, here’s mine from a few days ago:

You are a very sensual woman, and you have a very strong emotional force. Today, Leanne, that energy will increase and will express itself vigorously. The people you encounter will probably be astonished by your power, and you could easily seduce the entire world. Try to keep all this energy under your control. You could easily be thrown off balance, right into a situation you might later regret.

Amazingly, on the day in question I did manage to keep all of that ferocious sexual energy under control, and didn’t find myself in a situation I might later regret. Phew!

But seriously, what a crock.

At some time in the past, and probably under the influence of alcohol, I signed up for horoscopes sent direct to my email inbox.

As a result, on every occasion that I choose to read these emails before deleting them, I am assailed with absurd propositions such as “you could easily seduce the entire world”. Talk about skewing your perspective. Never mind that on the day I received this I was sleep deprived, stressed and feeling about as seductive as a bucket of sick. Apparently I could conquer the world with a toss of my locks and a come-hither look.

Sadly, it did not come to pass, and all of that vigorous energy was devoted to productive pursuits, like child-raising, earning a living, and go-go dancing.

What troubles me is the false hopes these charlatans create, and I worry that the lonely and despairing may be willing to hold on to these pronouncements as though they are rock solid guarantees.

I know I’ve had moments of darkness when I would gladly grab on to the promise of fulfilment and happiness, with scant regard for the legitimacy of the source, and I doubt I am alone on this score.

Some might argue this kind of speculative fiction is harmless, and can actually make people feel good about themselves. I think it has the potential to damage fragile individuals when the repeated pronouncements of positive contact with other people don’t eventuate. Ever.

Now I’d best go brush my hair and apply lippy. Apparently I’ll be meeting “The One” today. Again. I’m also expecting a payrise and increased travel opportunities: I better be ready.