Get off the couch, go see a show

There is a fact that I must face: I am no spring chicken. This salient point has been demonstrated to me by the sheer physical and mental exhaustion I am experiencing after nightly sojourns to comedy shows.

I have spent most evenings in the last week or so sitting in dark rooms while friends and strangers have bared their own souls, and prodded me to discover (or rediscover) parts of mine. I have chuckled and I have winced, I have had my thoughts provoked and my fancy tickled. I have heard gags that made me laugh so much I thought I might stop breathing, and I have heard jokes so cheesy you could spread them on a cracker.

We are ten days in to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and I feel like I've seen a fair swag of shows already. By the end of this evening I will have seen 9 shows, but when you consider that this year's Festival features 430 shows, I have barely scratched the surface. There are plenty more shows on my “to see” list, but time, money and my dwindling pool of physical energy mean I will be lucky if I manage to see any more shows this festival. (Unless of course you're offering me a comp to your show, to which my answer is: hells yes!)

Some folks go hard and try to crack the funny tonne (100 shows in the space of a four week festival). Other folks will see one show only. Plenty more won't even bother to show up at all; and that is tragic.

Performers spend months writing, refining, rehearsing, funding and staging their shows, and most do all of this while holding down a day job so they can pay the rent. Plenty will take leave (often unpaid) to stage their show, and there will be some that don't make enough money for it to be worth their while – some may not even make their money back. There are considerable costs to stage a show – festival entry free, venue hire, ticketing agent fees, props, costumes, tech equipment hire, tech staff, publicity and other production costs. Every ticket sold increases the likelihood of a performer being paid for their time and effort.

So get off the couch, turn off the telly, leave the house and go see a live performance.

It doesn't have to be comedy, and it doesn't have to be during the Festival. Go to a music gig or a music festival. Go to a spoken word event or a poetry slam. Go and see dance, theatre, mime, or puppetry. See a performer that you love. See someone you've never heard of before. See anything. See everything. Just go.

And just in case your mind is already filling with reasons you can't go out, I have prepared a list of common excuses for not going out, and rebutted each one. Common, I hear you ask. Common to who? Well...me. Yes, I have invoked all of these excuses at one time or another. But if I can change my ways, so you can you!

Common excuses for not going to live performances

I'm tired

Aren't we all? But nothing will perk you up quicker than seeing a good live performance. It might feel like a struggle to get out the front door, but the reward will repay the effort tenfold. If the thought of rocking up to a show that starts at 10pm on a school night really does make your eyes roll back in your head, look for gigs scheduled early in the evening, or even during the day. And if the show you want to see is on late, well, it's only one night. You've got the rest of your life to catch up on sleep.

I can't afford it

I hear you, I really do. Ticket prices for some international acts, and music festivals, can take a large chunk out of your weekly budget. But considering a ticket to most comedy festival shows will set you back $22-$35, equivalent to a sum you probably spend on booze each week, it's really not too high a price to pay for a great experience.

There are plenty of ways of reducing the spend on tickets too. For expample, Comedy Festival offers cheap tickets for preview shows and on Tightarse Tuesdays. Keep your eye out for ticket giveaways, and get on mailing lists that offer cheap or free tickets. If there's a performer that you really like, get on their mailing list. Get on venue mailing lists, as well as festival mailing lists, so you don't miss out on special offers and previews.

Like the Comedy Festival on Facebook, and follow #micf on Twitter for last minute specials and giveaways. And sometimes, if you head out on the first couple of nights of Comedy Festival and just hang out at the venues, there's a chance that you may be offered a freebie or a 2 for 1 deal to see an unknown act, just to get your bum on their seat.

I can't find a babysitter for the kids

Granted, that is a tricky situation if your kids are babies or toddlers. But if they're school age, consider taking them with you! By avoiding venues that have strict over-18's only policy you can usually find a show that won't offend your offspring's delicate sensibilities. And if it does, so what? It's just another experience in the rich tapestry of life, and you'll be there to support them through it.

A recent survey revealed that an alarming number of school age kids don't know where food comes from - 27% believed yoghurt grows on trees. Would a survey on entertainment show that kids think performers live inside the TV? Don't let this happen to your child.

If you're already taking your children to see Play School concerts, Hi-5 or The Wiggles – congratulations, that's a great first step. Comedy Festival offers kids comedy shows that are fun for adults too. You can all have a laugh together, and it sure beats having Big Red Car stuck in your head.

It's too far

If a performer can travel to a gig night in night out then you can too. Most performers probably live further from the venue than you do. Listen to your favourite music on the way there and back to make your journey less arduous, and if you see something that moves you, entertains you or inspires you, then it will have been well worth the trip.

It's too cold

Harden up people. Wear a jacket, and a scarf. And don't forget that a great live performance can warm the cockles of your heart. Sitting in a packed small venue with heat radiating from the stage lights will warm you up pretty quickly too.

I've got no-one to go with

You'll only need to buy one ticket then – see, you're saving money already! It's hard to feel lonely when your sitting in an audience and the lights have gone down, because you are sharing the experience with a number of people. Most audience members are lovely - look for other people on their own, and sit next to them. Strike up a conversation with people in the bar before or after the show, or simply enjoy the fact that you don't need to be conscious of another person's reactions and can just respond to this experience in your own way. If you feel the need to connect with people that you know, well, that's what social media is for. Just make sure you turn your phone off while the show is on.

It's comfy here on the couch

That's true, and it's also true that seating in some venues leaves a lot to be desired. But you only have to endure an uncomfortable seat for a short stint and the couch will still be there when you get home. Some of life's best experiences happen when you step outside your comfort zone, or in this case, when you roll yourself off the couch.

Packed to the Rafters/Home and Away/My Kitchen Rules is on

Relax. Some channels have 'catch-up tv services' and if you have access to a DVD library or shop, or an internet connection, you won't miss anything on the telly. No amount of close-up filming can replicate the potency of flecks of spittle or sweat landing on or near your person courtesy of an enthusiastic performer enduring hot stage lighting. Nothing beats laughing along with a crowd, or brushing up against strangers at a packed concert, or belting out your favourite tunes along with the rest of the audience.

What if it's shit? What if I don't like it?

What if it is? What if you don't? Life's a gamble innit? Despite the fact that I have invoked these excuses, and therefore missed a lot of things, I have still managed to catch quite a few performances over the years. Very few of them could be described as shit, and you get something out of the experience even if it is a shit one. I can only think of one show that was a complete and utter waste of everyone's time. It was staged during Melbourne Fringe Festival a few years ago, and it was truly awful. It was a family show (as in a whole family appeared on stage), so not only did the adults make absolute arses of themselves, but they dragged their wee kiddies into the mire as well. It was the longest hour and twenty minutes (to add insult to injury it went over time) of my life, and when it was over, my ever-discerning children scowled at me and declared that it was “terrible” and the “worst show ever.” I wholeheartedly agreed, and we managed to laugh about it. As far as I can tell, this act has never made another appearance, indicating that the shit suff usually gets weeded out pretty swiftly. If you really want to avoid questionable acts, do your homework. Look for reviews (both international and Australian) and get word of mouth recommendations.

Convinced? Book tix for Melbourne International Comedy Festival shows here.

What have I seen so far? (and what did I think)

Laurence Leung – Beginning, Middle End, Trades Hall (3.5 stars)
Denise Scott – Regrets, Comedy Theatre (4 stars)
Geraldine Hickey – Turns Out I Do Like Sun Dried Tomatoes, Portland Hotel (3.5 stars)
Asher Treleaven – Troubadour, Melbourne Town Hall (3 stars)
Carl-Einer Hackner – Handluggage, Melbourne Town Hall (4 stars)
Felicity Ward – The Hedgehog Dilemma, Victoria Hotel (5 stars)
Fiona Harris & Mike McLeish – Plus One, Trades Hall (4 stars)
Dead Cat Bounce – Howl of the She-Leopard, Trades Hall (2.5 stars)

What am I going to see?

Die Roten Punkte – Eurosmash, The Famous Spiegeltent at Arts Centre Melbourne

What would I like to see?

Celia Pacquola – Delayed
Andrew McLelland, Asher Treleaven, Celia Pacqola & Sammy J – Tie Her To The Tracks
Tim Ferguson – Carry A Big Stick
Judith Lucy – Nothing Fancy
Kate McLennan – Homeward Bound
Justin Hamilton – The Goodbye Guy
Daniel Kitson
Bob Franklin & Stephen Gates – Stubborn Monkey Disorder
Adam Richard & Justin Hamilton – The Shelf
Anyone for Tennis?
Bedroom Philosopher's The High Schoool Assembly
Cal Wilson is All Ears
Contact!
Wanda Sykes
Paul Foot – Still Life
Political Asylum's Late Night Riot
Josh Earl is XXX
and the list goes on and on and on.