On the eve of a new year

“Thank goodness it's nearly over,” say some, “Bring on 2011,” say others. What makes us so hopeful that there's something better on the horizon simply because the calendar clicks over another day? I love the optimism though. Go nuts guys. Be as hopeful as you can. It probably won't change anything, but it can't hurt right?

I'm not going in with anything as strong as optimism this time. Nor hope. More a wariness matched with quiet good humour, and allowances for brief periods of despair, anguish and joy.

It's not 2010 or any other year in particular that makes me take this view and seek an emotional balance. It's just that a lot can happen in a year, and it defies logic to suppose that all of the things that happen in a person's life over the course of a year are going to all be good.. People of my age and older seem to be always exclaiming how fast the years seem to be passing, but the perceived speed of the passage of time doesn't mean we're not packing a lot in to those 365 days.

Last week I made a list of personal highlights and lowlights of the year. Thankfully, there were many more of the former, but with the lowlights being dominated by loved ones dying or becoming ill, I really wish that list was much shorter than it is. The last few weeks in particular have felt like a festival of bad news, with each piece of additional news threatening to bury me in the heavy silt of intense grief.

One highlight I didn't list was the amazing privilege of observing and guiding the growth of the two human beings in my care. They seem to stretch their body frames a little longer as they sleep, waking taller, louder and hungrier each morning, and they make me laugh hard with their wry observations of life. KUTGW Lachie and Darcy.

Our home has swelled slightly with the addition of our housemate Amanda, and we are sometimes visited by Amanda's pug Hugo who snorts like a piglet and can cuddle on a lap for hours. Rosie and Ethan took to Hugo quite well, and people walking, running or cycling on the track at the rear of the house were treated to a trio of loud yappy dogs barking madly, instead of the usual duo. Good times.

The big ticket items this year were special – a trip to Europe, making new friends, reconnecting with old friends - but even the smaller ticket items (is that even a thing?) like seeing shows and dinners with friends were pretty special too.

I think 2010 for me was the year of the Little Girl with a Little Curl. When it was good it was very, very good, and when it was bad it was horrid. A little less intensity next year might be good.

To all my friends, family, colleagues, readers (all 12 of you), frenemies, nemeses, and the dogs, thank you for being part of the rich tapestry of my life in 2010 (and prior). My wishes for you for 2011 are simple: Go well. Be safe. Strive to be happy.
Happy new year.

L


Highlights & Lowlights of 2010
(in almost chronological order)

Highlights

EMC Summer School in Sydney
The go-go challenge
Slow Fashion Show in Melbourne (performing Shake Your Tail Feather)
Seven Days of Awesomeness (related blog)
Easter in Sydney (related blog)
The Swell Season (Melb & Syd)
Trip to Europe (UNI Conference and making new friends, as well as you know, Europe)(related blog)
Weekend in Canberra
Darebin Art Show
Kunst Rock (related blog)
Mrs Bang
Show Don't Tell
Thrill The World (related blog)
Half-Arsed Thursdays
Dinners at Vere & Roseneath Streets
BBQs at Arcadia Avenue

Lowlights

Deaths of Barry Beech, Eric Hopper, Jan Cleeland and Lulu Marilyn Smellybumholehead
Deaths of Rubie Hunter, and James Freud.
Sandy's diagnosis and imminent death. Li's diagnosis.

Favourite TV in 2010

Misfits, Sherlock, Mad Men, Chuck, Modern Family.

Favourite movie of 2010

Animal Kingdom (related blog)

Favourite album of 2010

Belle & Sebastian, Write About Love

Favourite books of 2010
(read in 2010 not necessarily written in 2010)

American Gods, Neil Gaiman
A Fraction of the Whole, Steve Toltz (related blog)
Water for Elephants, Sara Gruen
The Old Kingdom Trilogy (Sabriel, Lirael, Abhorsen), Garth Nix
Keys to the Kingdom series, Garth Nix
The Tomorrow Series and Ellie Chronicles, John Marsden
Committed, Elizabeth Gilbert

Review: A Fraction Of The Whole by Steve Toltz

This book was recommended to me by dear friends Mistress Anna and Lady Bec, who have not steered me wrong when it comes to literary choices. They've come up trumps again; this is an amazing book.

The audacity of the plot turns made me gasp, and there were more than a few “Oh My God” moments that left me muttering aloud and shaking my head at the surprising twists.

It's almost hard to believe that Toltz's saga, which is in equal parts engaging and disturbing, is his first novel. It is no surprise however that the book was short-listed for the Man Booker Prize in 2008.

A Fraction Of The Whole chronicles the lives of three generations of the Dean family. Set in rural New South Wales, Sydney, Paris, Bangkok and a Thai jungle, through Toltz's tale we bear witness to the loneliness, isolation, depression, humour, ambition, intellect and insanity of the family members and their cohorts.

The characters we nestle closest to in the telling of this tale are father and son, Martin and Jasper. Martin's story, and those of his parents and brother Terry, are told to Jasper after he is teased about his notorious uncle by schoolmates. A philosopher, Martin is forever burdened by his aloneness, and by the devastation of his family as the bizarre consequences of his seemingly innocuous ideas reach their tragic conclusions.

It seems impossible that something as mundane as a suggestion box could be the cause of dire outcomes for the Deans and their community, just as it seems unlikely that a devoted mother would deliberately harm her beloved son. There are shocks a plenty here; many more than those I have mentioned.

It was refreshing to have no idea where the plot was heading, and unsettling to not stick with any one scenario long enough to sit comfortably in it's groove.

I found the contrasts exciting, and at times frustrating. For example, Martin's long-winded, often demented rants, frequently contained brilliant concepts and startling insights. Jasper's internal monologue was at times so completely at odds with his outward behaviour that it was sometimes difficult to reconcile the thoughts and the behaviour as belonging to the same character.

What made it easier to stick with the book despite the frustrations it sometimes caused, was the writing. Toltz's choice of words to convey the array of ideas contained in this story was quite often beautiful, and I particularly enjoyed his use of similes. The sinking sun as a dissolving lozenge, for example.

Setting the story in Australia also gave Toltz the opportunity to use our national obsession with sporting success as a plot device, and I think it's fair to say he parallels one character's tale with our country's bizarre reverence of colonial criminal Ned Kelly.

The other reason to stay the course with this book is the characters; they are definitely worth sticking around for. Despite their failings, and they all have them, I couldn't help liking most of them. They are so damn interesting. The way they rationalise their behaviour is amusing and authentic. Very few of their actions are thoughtless, and I felt privileged to be able to take a peek inside their minds as they thought through their deeds, or analysed them after the event. Through their internal musings I was introduced to interesting notions I hadn't given too much thought to previously, as well as being moved to dwell on some some aspects of my own life, and the direction I want my life to take.

There are some characters we don't get to know well, such as Jasper's mother Astrid, but we spend enough time with her to get more than a sense of her tormented mind.

This story is heavy going. There are moments of love and light and hope flashes in and out tantalisingly, but these are only rarely glimpsed in the mire of bullying, violence, crime, suicide, infidelity, mental illness, birth, death, and evil found on the pages of this book. Joy comes to the characters briefly in the form of sexual contact, and a feeling of connectedness to nature, but the overwhelming mood is of bleak struggle. A Fraction Of The Whole literally reeks with the stink of human existence. Breathe it in. Deeply.